Grandma Gail: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think any child younger than 12 should be on social media. I think it\u2019s very poor influence, especially for girls. They start looking at people who are on it and try to imitate them, and it\u2019s not fair. And, they body shame, or they say, \u201cThis one\u2019s prettier than I am.\u201d<\/p>\nTheir self-image goes down. I really I know it\u2019s very difficult because I think most parents, including my own children, give their children a device because they need to have their phones for safety issues. So it\u2019s very hard to say you can carry a phone but then not look at it. So, I\u2019m not the perfect person to answer that, but, I know from experience that children need to feel good about themselves, and I think a lot of social media does not allow the child of 12 or 13 to feel good.<\/p>\n
By the time they\u2019re 14, forget it, the damage is already done. But when they\u2019re in that very formative puberty era, it\u2019s really not a smart thing.<\/p>\n
Kim:<\/strong> I got a phone, I think around 13, 14 \u2014 a pink Razr flip phone. And, it was so cool. But there was no Instagram or TikTok. I think I started using Facebook, but there was just not that culture around it where people were commenting negative things.<\/p>\nThere were no people with major followings. So it\u2019s really just when you hung out with people, you posted pictures and I had a little bit of FOMO sometimes if I saw people went to a party and I wasn\u2019t invited. Like that happened. But it was on a much lesser scale.<\/p>\n
Grandma Gail: <\/strong>So today, I think \u2014 today I think there\u2019s a serious issue. And, I\u2019m so glad that a lot of the schools are making the children put their phones away. Put it in a locker of some sort, and then they get it when they are leaving school.<\/p>\nBut I think it\u2019s important to help children ration the time on their devices. Have it for safety reasons, yes. But set time limits, and don\u2019t allow social media. <\/p>\n
Kim: <\/strong>And parents have to be both on the same page. too. You can\u2019t have one saying, oh, it\u2019s alright, you can do it. And the other one say, no, you know, you can\u2019t. So that\u2019s an issue to be seriously discussed.<\/p>\nDon\u2019t miss Grandma Gail and Kim\u2019s weekly advice column online, on social media and in the paper every week. Tamara Beckwith\/NY Post<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\nDear Excuse My Advice,<\/strong><\/p>\nWhenever I vent to a close friend, she immediately switches into therapist mode, analyzing my feelings, offering frameworks, and telling me what I should do. I know she means well, but sometimes I just need her to listen and validate me, not fix me.<\/strong> How do I ask her to show up as a friend instead of a therapist without hurting the relationship?<\/strong><\/p>\nKim:<\/strong> I unfortunately go into therapist mode, which is why I know you were pointing at me. Because I feel sometimes people are coming to me for advice, so I\u2019m giving advice. Excuse My Advice. I know my advice. That\u2019s the whole point! <\/p>\nGrandma Gail:<\/strong> I know, and you give good advice. But the point is, evidently, she\u2019s getting offended. It\u2019s too much. So I think after you\u2019ve given advice once, perhaps, because I\u2019m sure the same topic keeps coming up and up and up \u2014 should I go out with this guy or whatever? Or should I go to my in-laws\u2019 house for dinner and I don\u2019t want to go?<\/p>\nOnce you\u2019ve given your opinion once. That\u2019s it. Don\u2019t, every time she picks up the phone and talks, go back to that same conversation. <\/p>\n
Kim: <\/strong>And on the other side of it, when you\u2019re venting to your friend, I think it\u2019s totally normal to say, \u201cCan you just be a listening ear? I just need to vent to you \u2014 and I honestly don\u2019t even need a response. I just needed some validation. And as the friend, I hope you would just be quiet. <\/p>\nUnless you really can\u2019t hold back. Like, I don\u2019t think I have vented to you where you have not given me an opinion. <\/p>\n
Grandma Gail: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s different. That\u2019s not a friend. That\u2019s a grandma to her granddaughter.<\/p>\nKim: <\/strong>That\u2019s fair. But yeah, I think in this situation, like, it would not hurt the relationship to just be quiet. Listen. And on the other side, don\u2019t be afraid to be honest about what you need from your friend.<\/p>\nIf someone asked me to stop giving advice in the moment, I think I would stop giving them advice. I would just listen. But I think then maybe to my other friends I\u2019d be like, why did she come to me if she didn\u2019t wanted by it? <\/p>\n
Grandma Gail: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s not nice. I think advice goes to a certain degree and then you have to sort of lay back and listen to what she\u2019s really saying to you. She probably really doesn\u2019t want your advice. She just wants you to hear what her issues are. <\/p>\nKim: <\/strong>Well, here\u2019s the thing. I don\u2019t want my advice to come off like a judgment of her because it\u2019s really not. Like I truly want to support my friends and I want to be there for them, and I want to help them.<\/p>\nI don\u2019t care about the people that they\u2019re like, upset about or whatever. I care about them. So it\u2019s never to be judgmental or make them feel bad. It\u2019s truly to help them get out of a situation or in a better situation or whatever it may be. But if it doesn\u2019t come across that way, that would make me sad.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n