Tamara Beckwith<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\nDear Excuse My Advice,<\/strong><\/p>\nI\u2019m a single dad raising teenage daughters, and we\u2019re either missing female perspectives I can\u2019t fully provide. What\u2019s the best way to support them with strong female role models?<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n
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\n\t\t\tMore From\t\t\t\t\t\t\tExcuse My Advice<\/span>Grandma Gail: <\/strong>Well, they have their grandmas. Or their aunts even, if they don\u2019t have grandmothers or don\u2019t live close to near them. But maybe there\u2019s a cousin or an aunt that\u2019s in the neighborhood, or a family friend family friend who might pull up that slack, because girls do tend to need a little help with their hair, maybe how to put their makeup on. You could FaceTime them.<\/p>\nKim: <\/strong>What do you think of this? Could they have a female role model in the media or something along those lines where they can follow them on social, or read their books, or whatever it is to kind of have that idea of like, okay, this person is goals in my mind. I want to work towards that. <\/p>\nGrandma Gail: <\/strong>But that\u2019s very hard because there are not that many people that I would suggest. I mean, unless Oprah\u2019s coming into the house. She would be the only role model I could think of, of everybody on TV. Or us! But the truth is, I think a hands on person, even if it\u2019s not the most perfect person, is still good.<\/p>\nKim: <\/strong>I also think for female role models it doesn\u2019t necessarily have to be an elder. Like, sometimes you can find that in a friend, right? <\/p>\nGrandma Gail: <\/strong>Yes, you can.<\/p>\nKim: <\/strong>Or you can find it in a teacher or you can find it in someone in your religious community. So I think putting them in a place where they\u2019re around those kind of people. You have to have interactions and especially from a different perspective.<\/p>\nGrandma Gail: <\/strong>I believe the most important thing is good, constructive families. And if you\u2019re fortunate to have it, it doesn\u2019t take a village because you\u2019ve got your own village. If you\u2019re not in that position, it does help if you\u2019ve got people around you and your family who are interested in your well-being. Also, for this father, there\u2019s probably still advice you can take that your own mother gave to you and pass that onto your children.<\/p>\nWhat do I but I think your elders always have advice that\u2019s worth heeding. In every society it\u2019s been a reverence for elders \u2014\u00a0and there was a reason for it. They\u2019ve already gone through these experiences. It might not be the same exact experience you\u2019re going through, but they will have lived a life and will know what your children need from theirs.<\/p>\n
And so I think that hopefully somewhere in your vicinity, you get some help with that. There\u2019s a wealth of knowledge we can get from the older generations. <\/p>\n
Kim: <\/strong>I agree. When we first started Excuse My Grandma, I knew \u2014 but it didn\u2019t really hit me immediately \u2014 that I could lean on you and your wisdom. But I\u2019ve learned so much from the more mature women that I meet and have in my life. So I definitely encourage you to do that for your girls. <\/p>\n Tamara Beckwith<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\nDear Excuse My Advice,<\/strong><\/p>\nMy fiance proposed and I\u2019m thrilled to marry him. But I hate the ring. Do I say something, or is this one of those things you\u2019re supposed to just accept?<\/strong><\/p>\nGrandma Gail: <\/strong>Are you kidding me? Just be quiet and accept the ring and say \u201cThank you, it\u2019s beautiful.\u201d This whole thing is like the weddings, the bachelor parties, the destination weddings, the ring. That\u2019s not what marriage is about. You know the proposal is coming anyway. And most people do say, you know, if you\u2019re going to pick something out for me, I love the round or I love a pear. Maybe just throw it out there. <\/p>\nDon\u2019t keep repeating until it\u2019s annoying, but suggest it. But once it\u2019s in your on your hand, it\u2019s yours and say it\u2019s beautiful. My husband didn\u2019t ask me. He got what I guess his mother told him to get.<\/p>\n
Kim: <\/strong>Yes. Few thoughts though. If you are somebody who cares \u2014 like this person \u2014 about what shape ring you get, you have to say something before. And as the person proposing, if you know your fiance is someone who will care, you should probably ask.<\/p>\nGrandma Gail: <\/strong>Sometimes the guys don\u2019t think about it, give them a break. They\u2019re overwhelmed because it\u2019s so expensive, and it\u2019s something that they think is wonderful. But I would hope that he says, \u201cDo you have a preference?\u201d I think most most men do that.<\/p>\nKim: <\/strong>Your first ring doesn\u2019t have to be your only ring. It\u2019s not something you\u2019re tattooing onto your body. <\/p>\nGrandma Gail: <\/strong>Except the first ring is the most emotional. <\/p>\nKim: <\/strong>But after it\u2019s already on your finger, there\u2019s absolutely no way you can then be like, actually, can you exchange it?<\/p>\nGrandma Gail: <\/strong>No, that would be that would be really hurtful, really terrible. You just have to accept it. Right. And you can get a wedding band when you actually get married that you like better, because that\u2019s what you\u2019re going to be wearing. <\/p>\nIn today\u2019s world, very few people walk around with their solitaires because they\u2019ll get hit in the head for wearing that. You know, it\u2019s for special occasions. If you\u2019re going to a party, most people just wear a band. So whatever it is, you know what? Don\u2019t worry about it.<\/p>\n
Kim: <\/strong>If I got an ugly ring\u2026<\/p>\nGrandma Gail: <\/strong>You\u2019d just have to keep it, and then wear it around your neck.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n