Setting your dating app preferences is essentially a digital manifestation. You pick your hobbies, habits, and relationship goals and then hope that “Aaron, 33” notices and swipes right. In an ideal world, he’d tick all of your boxes — and also have an amazing answer to that “two truths and a lie” prompt.
Dating app preferences also cover things like smoking, drinking, and marriage plans, as well as the all-important age range. According to Shan Boodram, Bumble’s relationship expert, the latter is one of the top things people filter for on the apps. By filtering your age preferences, you hope to meet someone who’s in the same place in life, with the same maturity level, and who understands your ‘90s movie references. Age is a big factor in that.
Recently, however, there’s been a conversation around age gap relationships. See the show Age of Attraction on Netflix, plus the many convos happening on TikTok about age preferences on the apps. Creator @sheeensworld said she used to have a very strict cut-off: As someone in her 30s, she felt that 29 to 44 was ideal.
Then she met someone younger IRL, and was pleasantly surprised when he was good at planning and communicating. It inspired her to widen her scope. Now she’s open to ages 24 to 52, and it means she gets a lot more matches. “The best advice I can give anyone is to be more flexible with your age range,” she says in her video. Here’s what Boodram has to say.
A Case For Widening Your Age Range
When you choose a specific age range on a dating app, it’s often because you have a few assumptions about people that age and a clear vision of what you want in love. “Most people set an age range because they’re trying to reverse-engineer an outcome,” Boodram tells Bustle. “We attach meaning to age: older equals stability, younger equals excitement, same age equals compatibility. But those are not guarantees!”
It’s why it might help to loosen up a little when it comes to your limits. Instead of going into the apps with hard and fast age-related rules, it’s better to focus on alignment in terms of your lifestyle, priorities, and goals. “A strict age filter can eliminate people who actually meet your deeper values and non-negotiables,” she says — and that could mean missing out.
There’s a 42-year-old out there who would be so down to travel the world and try new things, and a 25-year-old who’d be happy to get married and buy a house tomorrow. “If you’re filtering by number instead of values, you might be screening out someone who’s aligned where it actually counts,” she adds.
Adjusting your preferences can also switch up the energy of your love life. On TikTok, @christy.wong noticed that many older people she dated seemed to have lost their whimsy when it comes to finding love. They would go into a date like it’s an interview, wanting to know about kids, timelines, etc. By adjusting her age preferences and dating slightly younger, she started having fun again.
Sliding that age scale also means getting more matches, not just because you’re increasing your odds, but because you’re opening yourself up to people who you previously discounted.
As a 34-year-old, creator @miaparziale would set her age preferences to five below and five above: 29 to 39. “I know it’s not a lot, and pretty limiting, but whatever,” she said on TikTok. Then one day she got bored, changed her range, and was surprised by how much more attention she got, specifically from the 25 to 27 crowd.
While she had some reservations at first, Mia was open to “doing it for the plot” and thought about going on a date just to see what happened. In her comments, someone said, “Why not? You’re only 34 once girlfriend.” Another wrote, “I’m dating 10 years below now lol f it, it’s been fun. I’m 34 too.” According to Boodram, different age groups bring different perspective, energy, and life experiences, and it can be exciting to dabble.
Many people have also mentioned “younger guy rizz,” like @itsrebeccamaxwell, who at 30 typically wouldn’t date younger than 25. “But let me tell you, this 24-year-old came right up to me tonight and he had so much confidence,” she said in a clip. “Maybe I should start dating young guys.”
According to Boodram, a younger partner can bring out your sense of curiosity and openness. “They may also be less shaped by past dating disappointments, which can show up as more optimism and emotional availability,” she says.
It might mean they’re more open to change and compromise — a trait you might struggle to find in an older age group.
Dating up 10 to 15 years also has its perks. In an older generation, Boodram says you might find someone who’s not only more stable in life, but also in their overall character. Since they likely have more experience, they might have a clearer vision of what they’re looking for in a partner, which can be refreshing.
It’s also likely you won’t notice the age gap at all. When you’re younger, someone who is five to 15 years older might seem ancient, but then you get to know them and realize you’re practically the same. On the flip side, if someone’s truly older, you won’t have to worry about them sending hady DMs.
While everyone’s different — and you can encounter horrors at any age — the goal with this experiment is to expand your horizons, open yourself up to more people, and enjoy the extra options. Why not give it a try?
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